Monday, January 3, 2011

i am frustrated~

And it really isn't even based on food today. Nor anything else that I am allowing or not allowing into my body. It has to do with a 13 year old daughter.......

The goal of all this clarity is to be there more for my children, my family. Be more hands on. I had escaped into my room on a regular basis. Come home from work, transport kids where they needed to be, prepare dinner. Then hide.

I think this has affected their grades, and prevented them from learning basic responsibility. I know why I have been hiding. The sleep deprived daughter is a I beg her to not go to sleep. To complete a few basic dinner, shower, tidy up your room. It turned into a horrible horrible fit of rage on her part, that resulted in her breaking the shower door off. She is showered. Room is not cleaned, and well she is asleep, on the floor. I took the dog for a walk. And thought about how a few glasses of wine, my help me in this situation. I haven't touched the wine..............

Being a single Mom sucks. It is exhausting because there is never no back up. And who am I kidding even when I wasn't a single Mom there was no back up. And not to sound critical toward Dad, he's around. He's around a lot. But he has never been there. So even though I can now be officially a single Mom. Things haven't changed. I am just choosing not to medicate myself with a bottle of wine.

I have clarity alright. It is clear that things are not right. And I won't be surprised if I sneak a couple sips of wine just to make it to blissful sleep.

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